Makeup at work: To wear or not to wear?

In the struggle against feminization, radical feminists definitely feel pressure to wear makeup (and shave, and wear skirts/high heels) at work. And there are social consequences for refusing to do so. Let me explain, from my own personal experience and those of other women.

Women get rude comments asking them if they’re sick if they don’t wear makeup, from both men and women. It’s worse if the people commenting are in a position of power over you. Bullying does happen and I consider this a form of harassment. So too will gnc women get comments encouraging them to wear makeup. They’ll also get comments about waxing/plucking eyebrows and facial hair (unshaven legs can easily be covered with a long skirt or slacks, and nobody can see your armpits anyway).

Wait a minute, you might think. They’re just comments and insults about their looks. But when’s the last time women were encouraged to confront harassers at work? Especially if they’re in a position above them. In my jobs, I was told to directly tell an HR manager for them to handle it. Directly confronting them was considered trying to start trouble or arguments.

I remember a job interview for an admin assistant for a bank executive. The exec was interviewing me along with a woman, and she let me know with body language and saying that I would have to show cleavage. Needless to say that I didn’t get the job, nor would I have wanted it. The irony is that an employer can just vaguely claim they found a candidate who more closely fits their qualifications, without specifying exactly why; in this case, sexual discrimination.

If you don’t wear makeup to a job interview, you risk less chance of being hired. If you don’t wear makeup at work and are hoping for a promotion or a raise, you might get passed over. If you don’t wear dresses, you’re not really dressing up for special occasions or a formal job. Employers don’t have to make any of these things an official requirement for work, but that doesn’t mean they (and coworkers) won’t try to get you to do so. Refuse and they’ll make work difficult for you. And not all of us have the opportunity to simply leave the job and get another one instead. However, it’s possible to wear makeup at first and then slowly stop wearing it, and see what happens in a particular job. There are many specific instances of this I’ve read from other women, and they’re easy to find online in a search about the pressure to wear makeup at work, or in Facebook groups about radical feminism or women against femininity. So it’s not like there aren’t gnc women who are making the effort to try. I also made a friend recently who doesn’t wear makeup, and mentioned how she doesn’t get carded because of it. Her experience is easier since she’s in STEM. Younger and middle to upper class women also care more about makeup, so class and age are factors.

it’s also difficult to bring it up as an issue when pressuring women into wearing makeup is so normalized, and rude comments and questions aren’t considered that big of a deal. Of course, it’s easier to refuse if a woman gets promoted to higher positions. And that’s part of where the problem lies: women in higher positions pressuring women in lower positions. If it were really that easy to be gnc at work, women bosses would be able to set an example and encourage being gnc at work; so too would gnc women be able to obtain higher positions.

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Dear mom (a.k.a. how I survived this Mother’s Day)

I’ve never enjoyed Mother’s Day, with so many stupid messages attempting to guilt-trip me into loving my mother simply for having given birth to me, the myth of unconditional motherly love, the myth of the powerless/victimized (irresponsible) mother who can’t protect her children or raise sons right no matter what, and the myth that if you don’t have a loving relationship with your mother it’s because you’re an ungrateful child. Besides that, it’s a superficial and commercialized celebration of mothers and motherhood.

Yesterday I wrote a letter addressing my mother and including a lot of memories of her emotional and verbal abuse and neglect (a result of her narcissistic personality disorder) and alcoholism. It’s 6 pages long. I was also able to initiate talking to my younger brother and we talked about some of the things she did to both of us as well stuff her ex-boyfriend (now dead) did to us. I doubt she’d take it constructively nor if I will send it to her. She refuses to talk about her treatment of me and it’s sad that I basically have to tame down any talk about it in order to have some sort of a relationship with her, since it detracts from her painting herself as a victim and blaming everyone else for her problems.

Really, most of why I still call her is because she’s taking care of my 2 remaining cats (which I pay for food and litter) and even though she says I abandoned them, she suddenly wants to keep them; I know she’s trying to get me to move back in with her and is using them against me. The one good thing that has come from this is having a relationship with my brother again. At least he acknowledges how horrible he was to me and apologized.

I hope you all manage to have an okay day today.

Women-identified women, part 3: Being choosy is okay!

I want to talk about how choosiness or pickiness by women is derided in our society by men (and sometimes women) who see pickiness or choosiness as snobbish, selfish and bad, whereas overly indiscriminate (to one’s detriment) is good if it serves men’s sexual entitlement. If it’s about women choosing other women to associate with, it’s a threat because it means they’re less exposed to men and being treated as private or public sexual property.

Lately I’ve been expanding my choice of women-only ob-gyns to include other kinds of doctors whenever possible, for reasons due to both nurture and nature:

1.) women are better doctors for me and tend to listen to me more often than not (as doctors, not necessarily in other positions of authority)

2.) i have the right to choose the doctor i want for my health treatment

3.) men generally aren’t raised to be caring or nurturing or listening. Continue reading

Men can’t accept being called men. It’s political.

I’ve come to a realization lately; men can’t accept being called men. That goes for your average Joe, so-called radfem allies, MRAs, as well as trans males. Whenever a woman says that men commonly say or do this or that negative thing or write something using the word “men” frequently, men get offended. If you say that trans males are boys/men, they’ll get offended, even though they’re accurate terms; a boy is a male child and a man is an adult human male. Yet they and their supporters against the supposed tyranny of misandry love to make generalizations about women. Continue reading

A well-overdue update on my cats

Hi, here’s the whole story. I had moved across the U.S. to start a new life in December of 2015. A friend invited me to visit for 2 weeks and was saying that there were lots of jobs in the area, so I decided to apply for a few jobs and was employed within my first week. I paid my mom $35-50/month for cat food and litter for my 3 cats. Some months later I put up the GoFundMe page with the intention of eventually bringing my cats either by plane or van (a pet transport service, which is more expensive).

Well, life was really bad during my first year. Then it got worse.  Continue reading

Are homophobic men just secretly homosexual? I’d say No.

Let’s look at this common phrase being thrown around, because yet another conservative white man has been found having sex with another man. It puts the blame on gay men as self-hating, rather than straight people who engage in hate speech, discrimination and violence against gays and lesbians. Accusing homophobes of being “secretly gay” is itself homophobic, much like saying effeminate men are failed men, girly etc. Or the use of the word “gay” to describe things and people you don’t like. Continue reading

Why Reclaiming Gendered Slurs Don’t Empower Women

Per the debates surrounding reclaiming gendered slurs “whore,” “bitch,” and “slut,” it is claimed by advocates that taking them back empowers them. They also claim that “they can be used against men too,” although with men, it is done as a joke or as a form of praise.

However those few individual women who likewise use them as jokes, or as terms of affection among themselves, one need only look at men’s intention when using gendered slurs against women. They are gendered because they are used to insult and slander women using a virgin/madonna (good girl/woman) vs whore/slut (bad girl/woman) dichotomy, and they are slurs because they are perjorative. They are also hate speech and used to incite violence. Men’s intention using gendered slurs is to harm women.

Continue reading