Tumblr bloggers have come across screenshots of kinkster parents on FetLife fantasizing about raping, or being accomplices in raping, their children. And by “children,” I mean “female children,” since nothing indicated anything about male children (not that I’m denying they can be victims as well). Also note that it was usually fathers or fathers’ ideas; where there was a mother, she was usually colluding with the father or a male figure.
It is one example of how dominant positions are conducive to – or at least compatible with – d/s practices. Other screenshots showed police officers fantasizing about beating women in domestic violence cases, and violence against black people. Parents, police officers, teachers, psychologists, doctors, and politicians (among others) are dominant positions which allow people (usually males) to have power and control over the less-powerful. They are the people providing care and education, making and upholding the laws. Radfems are well aware that kink is accepted in the mainstream, such as with kinkster psychologists, who cite bogus claims that kink is “psychologically healthy” and that kinksters are happier than their “vanilla” counterparts.
When some of those who were rightly outraged chimed in to say that these people should not have nor be around children, I put in my 2 cents about childfreedom and abortion/birth control, that misopedia is usually perpetrated by people who have children, themselves. After all, childfree people tend to avoid children, not seek them out, unlike pedophiles. The closest and first influence on the children are their parents. And our culture of natalism says that people must reproduce at all costs, making it all-too-easy for harmful people to reproduce and abuse children (or rather, abuse the children they reproduced), rather than encouraging adoption for fit parents. Lots of attitudes perpetuate this: whether it’s “You can’t tell me what to do,” “If you have children, it means you love kids” “Adoption is only for sterile people” (orphans are only ‘good enough’ for the rare sterile couples) “If you’re fertile, you should reproduce” “False abuse accusations” “It’s better if you have your own, because you love your flesh and blood more” or “It’s better to have a horrible parent, than none at all,” or “Those other kids are damaged goods.” After all, if the abused children were taken away from their parents, who’s going to adopt them?
This is all in spite of the fact that reproducing is inherently a selfish act, and that all adults were once children, themselves. It is not necessary to be a parent in order to criticize parenting. A non-parent may not be able to say how to raise a child, but they can definitely talk about how NOT to raise or treat one. Combined with kink, the message from parents is: “Family planning doesn’t matter, and I don’t have to give up my kinks or make a major lifestyle change when I have children.”
It’s easy to hate the childfree, especially childfree women, and say they are “just as bad” as child-hating parents. Few want to hear why there are women who refuse to reproduce beyond,”just hating kids.” They tend to assume that by becoming a parent, someone is automatically loving and responsible as a result.
This issue is likewise tied in with spanking (and corporal punishment in general) as a form of child abuse, and patriarchal religion as a d/s system. Christians are partial to spanking and other forms of corporal punishment as “discipline” for their children. Latino mothers commonly throw shoes at their children’s heads. In Christianity, for example, a patriarchal male “sky daddy” is absolute authority while his followers are submissive sheep, females being submissive to human males as well.
There are studies showing that spanking is psychologically harmful to children, and that children who are spanked have grown up to be kinksters. Obviously, parents who expose their children to their kinks are grooming them into ‘the lifestyle,” as well. I personally know of a kinkster mom who neglects her daughter so she can run off and see doms, while the daughter resorts to food and video games. Another woman was exposed to it thanks to her parents, who did live-in slave play in front of her. This is not a coincidence. One would think that telling people, especially kinksters, to not breed so they don’t inflict harm and suffering is common-sense, but there are parents (and kinksters, and kinksters who anticipate being parents) who will inevitably feel personally offended.
A final point: fewer people care about the same children when they grow into adults, when they’re no longer young and cute and impressionable to reflect their egos. This is where the insidious “pro-life” rhetoric comes in: when those same adults are suicidal. Those who advocate against suicide simply for the sake of keeping miserable, suffering people alive will suddenly no longer care about them once they’ve managed to stop them (at the time) from killing themselves. When suicidal people say things like,”maybe it would have been better if I was never born,” they come back with,”But you have to stay alive, or else you’re a coward and selfish. Think of all the people you’ll hurt! [translation: the people who feel entitled to their company and life] life is beautiful and you just fail to see that.” that’s their “good deed,” in spite of suicidal people needing support networks. Not everything has to be an emergency life-or-death situation to need support, help or advice.
Still: rather than increasing suffering and harm, and preventable situations leading to the abuse, rape and murder of children, it’s better to not reproduce in the first place.