The Johns: Sex for Sale and the Men Who Buy It, by Victor Malarek
MARTIN IS THE LIFE OF A PARTY. Everyone at work and in his social circle loves him. He is jovial, charming, and friendly. But just beneath the skin beats the pulse of a very bitter middle-aged man.
“Look at me. I’m short, I’m bald, and I’m not all that much to look at,” he said, sitting in a downtown Montreal bar. “All the women in the office adore me. When I go to parties, all the women joke and kibitz with me. They’ll rock and roll with me, but none of them will slow dance with me. I ask women out and at the end of the date, I get a kiss on each cheek and a thank-you for a wonderful evening. That’s been my life since high school.”
Looking around the bar, I ask,’What kind of woman interests you?”
Martin points to two Quebecoise brunettes sitting at a nearby table. They are stunning.
I take a sip of my beer and tactfully suggest that maybe he’s aiming too high.
“Why shouldn’t I aim high? I don’t consider myself chopped liver. Why should I settle for something I don’t want? I’m a really nice guy. I own a condo. I own my car. I have a great job. I have money in the bank. The only thing I don’t have in my life is a woman to love.”
“Have you ever tried a dating service like E-harmony or LavaLife?” I ask.
“I’ve tried them all. i get instant replies when I write about myself…my likes, my dislikes, my dreams, wants, and desires. The connections pour in. They all love my responses. And then they nudge me to post my picture, and when I do the connections go dead. I get zapped into cyberspace.”
Martin stares at the two brunettes, who have since been joined by a couple of guys in swank Armani business suits, who are obviously on the make. “Look at them. Two freakin’ losers, and those women think they’ve just hit the jackpot. I’m the freakin’ jackpot. I can’t understand why women like that fall for jerks like them.”
“They’re just looking for what you’re looking for,” I offer.
“Well, I’m no longer looking. I’ve given up on the dating scene and spending tons of money on dinners, plays, and movies. My dates for the past few years have been call girls. I see women that are incredible. I spend an hour with them, and they give me all the loving attention I want and need.”
“I doubt that it’s loving,” I suggest.
“I know it’s not love. I’m not an idiot. But at least it’s something.”
“Ever fall for one of these women?”
“Yeah, I did. It was a big mistake. I started seeing her regularly and tried to convince her to leave sex work. I told her I would take care of her.”
“Somewhat like the guy in Pretty Woman,” I said.
“Yeah, but she didn’t see it that way. She told me she had a man in her life and she wasn’t interested. Then I made a big mistake. I asked her what kind of man would allow her to be a prostitute other than a pimp. She told me to leave and never come back. Since then, the girls I see are just about business. I mean we have fun for the hour. They’re all really nice to me, and I enjoy my time with them.”
“And when you leave?”
“I go back to my solitary existence. I go back to being lonely,” Martin said.
“You’ve given up?”
“How many times can a guy pick himself up after being rejected over and over again?”
“I’m sure there is a woman out there who would love to be with you.”
“Sure, but she’s not what I’m looking for.”
“In other words, she’s the flip side of you and you don’t want that,” I said. “I wonder what she must feel, but then, you’d know.”
Martin looked down at his drink. He didn’t respond.
— ps. 64-66
The asshole Martin described above is looking for women as trophies, women as status symbols to go along with his nice house and nice car so he can enjoy “the good things in life” which of course include women. A number of these johns have similar pathetic friendzone stories. Doesn’t this already tell us they can’t take “no” for an answer? Men feel they deserve beautiful, very young women; underaged if they can get away with it, or otherwise as close to virgin as possible so they can have fresh dibs and “ruin” them. No matter how old, how ugly, nasty (i.e. hygiene) or how much of an asshole they are in reality, they delude themselves into believing they’re gentlemen (hmm, a lot like Elliot Rodger) and all they want is love, affection and understanding. Others say they just want sex, especially the married ones. All of them are lying and parroting masculine drivel. All of them hate women. Neither of them deserve the women in any way, as entitled as they feel to them.
As a woman, I am correct in saying that no man has the right to pick me out of a crowd and solicit me for sex (sexual harassment btw), and after I reject him, bribe me with money to try to get me to change my mind. A man who is pissed off that the world of women are not spreading their legs for him, and that he doesn’t get to have his pick of sex partners anytime, is a rape apologist. A man who can’t deal with sexual rejection and take “no” for an answer is a fucking danger to society. That includes johns who stalk prostituted women.
While having company and sex are nice, you can’t buy someone’s affection or sexual attraction; attraction to or desire, even need, for money is not a sexual orientation. Johns are not an oppressed minority, much less comparable to the discrimination gays and lesbians face, because everywhere else they have power – politics, the media, education, religion, etc. Like criminals, they’re anonymous because they don’t want their identities known, anonymity allows them to act with impunity. They don’t want their actions and beliefs questioned. I am of the belief that since marital rape laws make it somewhat harder for husbands to rape their wives, they just go and rape prostituted women instead. These men are used to having their way, and if they don’t, they’ll enact revenge on women to show those bitches they shouldn’t dare to step out of line, whether by cheating on their wives/girlfriends with a prostituted woman, or inflicting violence on one.
How are johns not the same men who rape women and knowingly participate in sex trafficking? And aren’t pimps at some point “johns” as well? Aren’t the cops who blackmail prostituted women with sex in exchange for not getting arrested also “johns,” and more importantly, rapists? The “work” is no less because it is coming from a trafficked woman, just like slave labour is still labour. Trafficked women also have the same clientele (I hate that word), so I don’t see a hard line between “john” and “rapist.”
Also, since johns tend to be straight men (I’m using “straight” rather loosely here), they hate gay men but have no problem fucking a “chick with a dick.”
On a wall near a hooker stroll in Amsterdam, scrawled graffiti illustrates what some men think of prostituted women in the land of liberated and legalized paid sex. ‘Fucking whores, you must be fucked until you drop on the ground,’ reads one.
— p. 84
Let’s be real here. Men who use prostituted women don’t respect them just because they are paying for something they feel entitled to regardless (sex). In fact, they would only be angrier about it in seeking out paid sex. The catch is that by paying, they are guaranteed sex, which allows them to feel a sense of power and control over the women, and they take that as a license to do whatever they want to enforce their desires; especially for street workers, who are often addicted to drugs (I suspect some johns use drugs as a form of payment). By being guaranteed sex they are not (as they like to say) “emasculated” which they resort to claiming whenever they are sexually or otherwise rejected by women. And by paying, they feel free from responsibility and from the prostituted women making any kind of demands on them, free to be able to degrade and humiliate them (including by calling them names). They also believe the prostituted women serve as counselors, ready and willing to listen to and understand their sad-sack-of-shit woes.
I know how men talk when they are in the company of their peers. Women who are promiscuous or even have any arbitrary number of sex partners (judged by the men) are called sluts. Prostituted women are “professional sluts” the men joke to each other. To them, they are not “normal women” (even though they are), they are manipulative, lazy, greedy gold-diggers even as they put on the facade of claiming that they consider the women to be legitimate “service providers.”
…Pornography is in essence prostitution, because it involves the purchase of another’s body for sexual gratification. Therefore, the men who buy and use porn are themselves johns.
– p. 93
Pornography is prostitution in video form; the users jerk off to the women being prostituted. Porn users who think they are okay by using so-called “feminist” or softcore porn are still supporting the industry, and most porn users are watching mainstream hardcore porn anyway. Clicking on free videos gets the pornographers money to make more videos, including the hardcore genre.