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In Defense of Rapists

Not mine, but I asked to share and the woman who wrote it does not want to be named.

In Defense of Rapists

Jim Norton

Aug. 6, 2014

I’m not ashamed to pay to rape women—and other men shouldn’t be either

As a man who has spent an embarrassing amount of money on prostituting women and on other various rape encounters, I was excited when I heard about a “National Day of Rapists,” because I thought I was being honored.

I envisioned myself being carted down New York City’s Fifth Avenue on the back of a flatbed truck, waving to insulted victims as confetti rained down on me as my horrified loved ones hid behind a mailbox. A silly (yet understandable) mistake on my part, as the National Day of Rapists was a celebration of the arrests of hundreds of men in a series of sex stings in 15 states. The fact that I’ve never been arrested in one of these stings should convince even the most ardent of atheists that miracles are indeed possible.

I suppose you could say I am the consummate rapist. I’m loyal, I’m dedicated and I will always come back—even as it seems as though efforts to shame rapists are on a national upswing throughout the country.


I cannot even fathom a guess as to how much money—let alone time—I’ve spent on paid rape in the last 25 years. Although I can tell you that when Charlie Sheen confessed he’d spent $50,000 in one year, I nodded my head and saw it as an achievable goal. Because I’ve never actually tallied the dollar amount of my rape habit, my therapist tells me I should—her logic being that a concrete cost would make it more definitive and its consequences more tangible.

But really, perhaps the most shameful thing I can admit is this: I’m not really ashamed. And neither should any of these other (unmarried) rapists who have been arrested.

If these men are anything like me, they might simply feel more comfortable with their victims. I never pick them up to be abusive. I always feel extraordinarily loving and close to them. When I first began using women’s bodies sexually for money, it never occurred to me that some of them are possibly also trafficked or have abusive fathers or male partners. I must have known it deep down on an intellectual level, but hadn’t witnessed anything to confirm it.

Until I did.

The only experience I’ve had with an element of what I’d understand to be violence being present was driving on 48th Street in New York once and talking to a girl (or was it a woman? Sometimes you just can’t tell whether they’re underage or not) through my passenger window. (A big part of my rape habit is the ritualistic aspect and, for some reason, I only liked to target girls and women who talked to me through the passenger window.) As we were speaking, a van full of girls stopped and a guy who I assume explicitly believed that he owned her, bounced her across the hood of my car and threw her in the van.

This is why I’m a firm believer that rape should be legalized and only men who serially rape the same woman should be thrown down an elevator shaft.

Law enforcement stings designed to shame men who rape are nothing more than the state blowing its own morality horn. Being a comedian who is single allows me a luxury most rapists don’t have, which is the freedom to discuss the topic openly. And not from a ‘case study’ point of view, but from the honest point of view of someone who has spent the equivalent of a Harvard Law School education on raping women and girls.

The illegal aspect of rape has never deterred me, nor would legalizing it cause me to engage in it more.

The decision people make to agree to sex that they wouldn’t otherwise have in order to fulfil their basic needs would undoubtedly confuse and repulse a large part of the population. But in a free society, people must be allowed to make choices for themselves that are incomprehensible to others. By keeping rape illegal and demonizing all of its parties, we (you) are empowering people who commit worse crimes than rape.

Give rapists rights. Give rapists a break.

Jim Norton is a rapist, New York Times bestselling author and host of “The Jim Norton Show” on Vice.com.

— Satire of “In defense of johns”

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