sweetscum said: How is women being thought of as the gatekeepers of sex in direct correlation to men wanting frequent access/feeling entitled to women’s bodies? I’m having difficulty understanding this and would appreciate an explanation!
because men wanting frequent access/feeling entitled to women’s bodies leads to some very obvious, and not-so-obvious, manipulation tactics.
men imply that women are the gatekeepers of sex and they have “the power of pussy” when they say women are the ones who have the power to provide or refuse sex. as these same men’s ‘observations’ go (if you count thinking with a dick) men want to have sex all the time, with any woman. you can also look at the news and find out that apparently men are also happy to stick their dicks into random household objects.
but i digress – it’s no different than when people say that the sub has the power in an s/m relationship or that the prostituted women have power over the johns. similarly, this must mean that service workers have the power over customers and their bosses, and that’s not very convincing, because demand fuels who gets to be the ‘supply’ and what acts are done in the service. sex is not some resource that men need a constant supply of or else they’ll end up raping women anyway (which some pro-sex industry advocates have actually stated). they don’t need unconditional access (which includes rape) or ‘welfare sex’ provided by the state; sex is a privilege and a desire. what they need is to own up to dealing with sexual rejection. women have copped to their ways and men who hate them don’t deserve sex with them. many johns are convicted felons and in recent busts have been found with date rape and other drugs, rope, guns and other weapons in their cars, intending to do harm to prostituted women. over half are married; so even if they pretend to respect their wives/girlfriends’ refusal to have sex or do a certain sex act, they’ll simply go to a prostituted woman, and continue to believe that if all else fails, they can always bribe and get their way – with the pretext that they are “helping” women (and children) to survive, of course. their argument is that they pay their whole lives in a relationship anyway and hardly get any sex in return. let’s forget for a moment that all socializing and dating costs money, and they end up spending more money on prostituted women – they are wrongly comparing their relationships to prostitution, i.e. the transactional model of sex. Lundy Bancroft also writes how abusers have a “you owe me” mentality.
there are 3 types of force: condign (social conditioning/grooming), compensatory (money and other goods/needs as bribery) and coercive (use of force). it’s manipulation on men’s part – sexual and emotional (the latter involving guilt-tripping, shaming, and rape, sometimes involving drugs/alcohol to incapacitate) – projected as women being the ones who are sexually manipulative. so heaven forbid women exercise their right to refuse a man, sex, or any sex act at any time. that’s the message.
the irony here is that many of the johns who fall into the ‘secular’ category are opposed to religious missionaries bribing indigenous people with food and clothing if they convert, but completely fine with bribing women for sex and believing it’s ‘consensual.’
hope this helps.