Every Mother’s Day for the foreseeable future, anyone who has had an alcoholic mother gets to be reminded of that stupid joke,”buy your mom wine/a margarita, you’re the reason she drinks!” guilt-tripping children for their nonconsensual births since whenever. as if drinking during their kids’ childhood was somehow their fault. While i’m at it – every anecdotal story about “child-hating” seems to always be about strangers making rude comments about other people’s children, and there are never stories where strangers recognize instances of emotional/physical abuse to children. Somehow, these exact same people who “hate children” – those without children – will suddenly love children as soon as they have some of their own. And apparently, it’s supposed to be adorable when little boys persist in kissing little girls (“boys will be boys”) or when children shove disabled people, or the thought of children playing with small animals (please do not get children small animals – they tend to hurt and kill them).
Hitting creates fear, not respect, and it disrupts human connection.
Both of the aforementioned instances imply that the kids deserve what’s coming to them, as long as it’s coming to them from the parents – just not other people, because it would be too arrogant of them to presume to know how to not treat children. Kids don’t have rights, you see – they’re property of their parents. For the record, yes, I’m aware that the patriarchy does have influence on the abuse of children. However, I’m not exempting the fault from mothers when they are abusive, because it is just as bad as using as a defense for rapists,”It wasn’t his fault, it was society’s.” Children do not understand concepts like society or patriarchy. Imagine therapists telling children (assuming they can afford to go to therapy at a young age) that they were wrong in putting the blame on their mothers. Or feeling neglected because their fathers worked too much, as they do not understand the idea that in traditional masculinity, working all the time for the family is an expression of love. Good luck with that.
I do know that there are many factors that contribute to abusive mothers. For one, the fact that mothers tend to be single parents; this leaves children without the buffer or protection of the father. Although, the father can and does aid or more likely initiate the abuse; there are also many cases where ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands, even fathers, kill the mothers and/or children after a breakup, divorce, or losing a custody battle. Other factors of abusive mothers are poverty, alcoholism, drug addiction, mental illness, and lack of social services and support.
When it comes to reproductive rights, anti-abortion activists talk about the rights of the unborn, the fetus. they say abortion is murder. So it looks like the unborn have more rights than a woman does; i.e., that a woman is worth less than a potential child, and her only value is in bringing that potential child into the world. out of the womb, however, it’s a different story. They’ll get caught up in the system like every other potential person and grow to be an adult. Some will be abused, some will become poor, or homeless, or alcoholic/addicted to drugs, others will be cannon fodder. These so-called “pro-lifers” do not care for children and adults living in dire situations; the burden rests entirely on the mother’s shoulders.
Even in discussions about prostitution, most people claim to recognize that trafficking of children is an inherently immoral thing to do. After all, child labor was illegalized because it was believed chldren should enjoy their childhood, though this hasn’t completely stopped the practice. Per Marcelo Motta: “In historical times, before the industrial age, even the family was useful — but principally useful to the parents, whose principal reason for having children was the attainment of workers in farming or in an artesan to whom they did not need to pay wages.” It would seem here that the children, as potential people, have more rights than women, adult females, do – they are afforded the dignity women do not get to have, as what is immoral to be done to children suddenly becomes okay for adults, specifically women rather than men. It is assumed that women don’t need to enjoy sex, to be attracted to the partner or even the male sex as a whole, have full freedom and consent, equal pay or even any compensation in feminized jobs, or safety from rape, physical and emotional abuse. But this is not the case, either. Not when pro-sex industry advocates refer to underaged sex trafficking victims as “underaged sex workers” and ask why antis have not considered the reasons children “choose” to be in sex work. Fuck that, nobody chooses or wants to be raped; that is an oxymoron in itself. I wonder if they would make the argument that jobs are being taken away from children who are homeless or living in poverty, too? What about parents and stepparents who groom their children into paid rape of them?
I recently saw this article in which a mother asks for advice on how to talk to her daughter about rightly thinking her mother was being abused when she overheard screams from the bedroom as her parents engaged in kink.
And the concept of giving up or at least greatly toning down the kink (since they have this huge responsibility that requires life changes) instead of telling the daughter her natural instinctive reactions were wrong, is lost on the parents who are keen on keeping all their narcissistic indulgences as before they became parents. This is going to seriously mess with the daughter’s head and encourage her to distrust her intuition. Misopedia much?