Gender roles are based on stereotypes assigned to either sex. The concept of gender is harmful to women. Either they are lowly whores/sluts or ‘goddesses’ set up high on a pedestal. As someone once wrote,”Don’t put me on a pedestal and complain you can’t reach me.” Either of these positions make it easier for men to put women in line, whether it’s back in the kitchen or bedroom as a slave or some abstraction lacking humanity. And in our increasingly sex-liberalized Western society, the fetishization of female power (and specifically, women in power) is equated with a true exercise of power. By that, I am associating power with consent. I will get to the consent part later.
When a man is the dom in a bdsm relationship, it is altogether different from a woman being the domme. The dynamics are not the same just because the role is, due to the fact that the male gaze still remains. More commonly is the fetish of a sexy librarian or teacher. In the everyday world, men are the ones in power. They dominate the public and political spheres; they control the world’s wealth and resources. So when men become the sub in a bdsm relationship, they are “playing” at being submissive. It is temporary for them, even if the domme is playing the virgin-madonna and never giving sex (this figures into the religious virgin-whore dichotomy as well). If they are paying for it, that turns the tables even more in their favor; the domme can only do what the sub pays her to do. This is financial coercion, but there are also the use of force and conditioning (or indoctrination) as other forms of coercion. The bleed-over of kink into porn is no accident, since porn is increasingly obsessed with sexualized violence and violent sexuality, both originating in masculine values.
The superheroine role has not escaped the feminine gender role, either. Female protagonists have to be hypersexualized and super-feminine. They must kick ass while at the same time being worried about breaking a nail. They must have long hair and wear breastplates and high heels so the audience still recognizes them as this concept of what “woman” is. And they must have a story in which they have a relationship, a heterosexual one. Femininity symbolizes submission and weakness, being uncomfortable in constrictive clothing, worrying about looks, and high-maintenance. Hence in third-wave feminism, feminism has been defined as not about women (femmes), but equated with femininity; and if you criticize femininity then you are a misogynist in third-wavers’ eyes. It does not matter to them that gay men have made a mockery of it in fashion design and drag, or trans “women” saying they are “more beautiful than real women”; women are worse for daring to be the ones to express opinions counter to those of men, and refusing these standards of beauty and acceptability.
It is understood that men can only conceive of women in power as having sexual value for them. If they don’t, the women leaders are seen as bitches, stuck-up, prudes, man-haters, etc. who must have slept their way to the top. Hence why in their fetishization they conceive of such women as ultimately succumbing to them sexually, becoming subordinate once again. Nothing pisses men off more than there being women – outside the bedroom or in it – as exercising their right to reject them sexually and otherwise. If such men really respected a woman’s right to consent, then they’d also acknowledge situations where there is a lack of consent, and respect women’s refusal.
“A male chauvinist looks on a sexually objectified “powerful” woman as an assembly of fetish objects. Her power is just another fetish object, something else to rub his dick on, along with her breasts, thighs, ass and face. Her power is the power of a dominatrix, and a dominatrix is every bit as objectified as a sex slave. She’s not a human subject, with agency; she cannot wield her power for her own liberation, but only for the sexual gratification of the men who objectify her. She humiliates men for their pleasure, but the ultimate humiliation is always hers, because even in power, she is disempowered.”
– Stephen Bond
If you think the existence of female dommes is in any way evidence that BDSM and the BDSM community is not inherently misogynistic, you are completely, 100%, certifiably delusional.
Male subs of female dommes get off on the fact that a woman has taken power over them. It is erotic and “kinky” because they know that outside of their bedroom and/or scene, they have the true power over women, and so playtime in the bedroom is a twisted eroticized fantasy, because males honestly cannot believe women ever being in a position of power (i.e., equal standing with men) and so it’s “sexy” because to them it is so highly unrealistic. And that’s fucked up, and that’s misogyny. Women in positions of power do not exist to be fetishized, but that’s what these males do.
Further, if you’ve ever been or truly listened to the accounts of female dommes in communities or on sick rapist-pit websites such as the detestable FetLife, you’d know for yourself that they are not taken seriously. Male doms seek out these women and threaten to rape them—to “teach them” how to enjoy “proper” sex. To groom them, submit them, own them. It’s a power play and it’s what men love—to prove their dominance over a woman. And this shit doesn’t stay strictly online—“play parties” that go bad when a male decides to “try his hand” at “fixing” a female domme, men who rape, assault, humiliate, and degrade female dommes in a public setting to prove who’s really in control. And guess what? That’s fucked up. And that’s misogyny.
The existence of women within your interests, communities, parties, and so forth does NOT excuse yourself or these things of promoting violent misogyny. It is misogyny fetishized, it is the patriarchy wearing costumes in your bedroom, and it is not empowering, and it is not liberating.
Stop using female dommes as scape-goats for your perverted interests in beating, abusing, and raping women. It doesn’t fucking work, and you must be a lunatic to have convinced yourself of such high levels of bullshit.
-Dawn.“[tw: rape] There is pornography in which the woman is sadistic. This type of pornography illustrates for men the consequences of losing control over women. In such pornography, a male falls prey to a sadistic woman— who has whip in hand and spiked heels planted firmly in his scrotum— because of a failure of masculinity on his part. The text often suggests that perhaps he is a [homosexual], or, even worse, that in a weak moment he has simply failed to be cruel enough. Such a failure makes him vulnerable in the literal sense of the word, meaning subject to assault. The sadistic woman punishes him for not being sufficiently male. In the end, a really masculine man inevitably manages to rape and beat the heretofore uppity woman, and he does so with such stunning brutality that she finally learns her proper place. The sadistic woman is often labeled a feminist, an Amazon, or a Women’s Libber. She, too, in the end, loves being raped and humiliated and hurt. The independent woman, the feminist woman, the professional woman, and, of course, the lesbian woman, are all shown to be shrews who are truly happy only in captivity and who are sexually fulfilled only through force, pain, and unrelenting penile penetration.”